Most of us want to avoid feelings of discomfort for the large part. We want to buy into the Hollywood happily-ever-after. We want to avoid all struggle and it would be great if we could skip through life without bumps, trips or dark patches thank you very much. The reality is that this view is both unrealistic and unhelpful.
Unrealistic because no matter how positive you are, we live in a broken world with people who are doing the best with what they have right now and sometimes their best still creates pain for those around them. Hurt people hurt people. Unhelpful because sometimes, and I would be as bold as to say all times, our struggle, discomfort and frustrations lead us to growth if we would just stick to the process. Growth is never easy, but if we are willing to work through the discomfort it is always worth it.
I say all this because recently I have been battling through a very frustrating time in my new business, the frustration has been around the fact that I have been doing some individual and team interventions which have been very powerful but I haven't been able to articulate why what I have been doing is working and what it is that I do with those teams. This is frustrating because how to you market it if you can't describe it. A lot of what I do is very intuitive.
The great thing about struggling through the process is that you turn it over and over in your mind and when you do that you look at different options and views which leads to clarity. When we bypass the process we lose the power of the process. The struggle is where the answers lie, it is in disharmony where we ask the difficult questions, have the uncomfortable conversations.
This is the power of the type of coaching that I do, for many years especially when I started I wanted to be like every other coach, which means I was constantly comparing myself to what is it they were doing and saying and we all know the result of that. The biggest thing coach's battle with is "imposters syndrome", which in layman's terms is just is another way we hear "you are not enough". Now my coaching is focused on creating a safe space for my clients to process through their frustrations, difficulties or fears and allowing them to take theirjourney and not make the coaching about where I want them to go but to be comfortable as they work in their struggle reminding them who they are and how awesome they are.
Over the last few years I have intentionally been leaning into this process of figuring out who I am and what it is that I do and that all started with me understanding who I am really and what makes me unique not in the surface process of working out my USP (unique selling point) but in the deep how do I best contribute to those who I was made to connect with.
This process has been frustrating, uncomfortable and painful especially when I have had to honestly face my shortcomings and let go of expectations and also the lies that bound me to unrealistic blueprints. This process has been excruciating at times but the rewards have been exhilarating. Each day I become clearer on who I am, what I am here for and who I am here to serve. The benefits to this are that I recognise those in struggle and because I was willing to bypass the shortcut and go through the process fully, I am able to guide others along their journey's too.
What shortcuts are you tempted to take today to avoid discomfort?
